There was a point, a space of time he figured. It came in the flow of other things and you couldn’t actually see it until it had passed but it still mattered. A point where forgiveness was not even a question to consider.
Not because you’d earned it or you wanted to give it. Mostly because it didn’t stick. It didn’t get heard or form sentiment outside empty words. It didn’t have worth.
Steve watched Vision let Wanda take his weight, let her heal, and swallowed the words.
They were wiser, he chanted in his head. They were all wiser. They knew better and did better. They had learnt the value of time, of chances, and of simple bonds. Natasha didn’t pause before punching in the Compound’s coordinates, Sam didn’t hesitate to put out the message to Rhodes, and Wanda didn’t hesitate to love whatever part of Vision she had with her right now.
They were better.
They had learnt where he couldn’t and that hurt somewhere deep inside but it also was a relief because –
They would have a chance. They would know to take their chances when they could.
He thought of a guarded flip phone. An awkward letter circling the heart of the matter. A dozen dreams and a thousand moments he could have used. Could have, should have, would have – somewhere before that point.
Because they had crossed it now and he couldn’t go back. Tony wasn’t even on the same planet anymore and Steve knew that he was never blessed with good fortune but this was one hell of a terrible irony from destiny.
He had not seen that point pass and now he was placed in a part of time where anything he could say, all the things he hadn’t said didn’t matter.
He was past forgiveness in all forms and Steve Rogers swallowed that fact, lodged it between his lungs so that it would stick in every breath’s memory. There was only after now, and there was only more to lose.
He hoped it wouldn’t be everything. He wanted to save something, anything that he could see later and wonder if Tony would agree with. Earth had lost her best and he just hoped that he could be good enough for what they had left.
He could see home and the stars, both touching outside the jet before they landed. He didn’t wonder if Tony was somewhere between them.
The point to feel that would come after. He hoped.
Just a short drabble about Steve’s POV before they landed at the Compound in IW.
@suitofhumour I loved it and it hurts.
KiernaSerea 